There’s so much health care news
to talk about, it’s hard to get to all of it. Thankfully, when a news story
falls through the cracks, Lewis Black catches it for a
segment we call “Back In Black.” ♪ ♪ Let’s face it,
America sucks at health care. For starters,
we’re the only country that decided to turn illness
into a goldmine. That’s why,
even though my proctologist is just a pervert in a lab coat, I have to keep him
because he’s “in network.” And the way things have been
going, I wouldn’t be shocked if the Republicans’
new turd sandwich of a bill makes it to Trump’s desk
and he actually eats the thing. But here’s
why Republicans in Congress will never be able
to fix health care– they don’t even know
what health insurance is! You have to buy all of these
different kinds of health insurance,
a lot of which you don’t need, can’t afford, don’t want, isn’t
right for you and your family. The young healthy person’s gonna
be made to buy health care, and they’re gonna pay
for the person, you know, who gets breast cancer
in her 40s, or who gets heart disease
in his 50s. The whole idea of Obamacare
is the people on the blue side pay for
the people on the red side. The people who are healthy pay
for the people who are sick. Now listen, Paul Ryan, you spoiled vanilla milk shake, you fountainhead of spit, you vomitorium of congeniality. Insurance isn’t the healthy
paying for the sick, it’s the healthy paying to slow down pay down
their inevitable demise, which might be helpful
in a country that stuffs hot dogs into pizza. But while we’re at it, why do I
pay for the fire department? My house isn’t on fire
and it never will be. (cheers and applause) And not only are the GOP trying to sneak this
douche document into law, they’re also using Obamacare’s own money to undermine it. The administration
is using money that is supposed to help people
get insurance by putting up, online, these advertisements trying
to convince legislators to vote against the
Affordable Care Act. Deductibles are higher,
coverage is less, the gap is getting wider. You’re going against the
American system of competition, capitalism, “the best wins”
sort of scenario. The system had
a lot of problems, but it wasn’t in crises. There wasn’t a crises. There is now. Oh, we’re in a crisis all right. Health care isn’t more
affordable, but at least now we’ve got those taxpayer-funded 136 YouTube views. A video of my left nut
would get more hits. Not … (cheers and applause) Not my right one, though. He’s shy. This whole thing
is not brain surgery. If you want affordable
health insurance to work, you need young healthy people
to sign up. So since none of you assholes
know how to make that happen, I made some new ads for the HHS,
free of charge. Hi. I’m Dr. Lewis Black. Want to know why the
Affordable Care Act is failing? Because young fidget-spinning
(bleep) nuts across America think they’re invincible,
so they aren’t buying in. Well, news flash. Life is just death
in slow motion, even if you feel hashtag
#blessed. If you think it’s expensive
to replace a cracked iPhone, try fixing a shattered femur. Age is just a number,
especially for blood clots; they’ll take you down
at any age. Think you’ll be young
and healthy forever? I have arthritis
in my entire body, except for these two fingers. Health insurance
is only about your health, so (bleep) it. Sign up for health insurance. (cheers and applause) Now, that’s advice
we can all agree on. -Trevor.
-Lewis Black, everyone.